Well, I need some pics of crack whore,gnomes,midgets,hippies,and any other funny fucking shit thats out there, Jesus. You see, I am trying to build a Super Fucking Tight Website, but I can't do this without pics. Jesus, please find me some pics of crack whores,hippies,gnomes,midgets.....hell, anything horribly funny you know fo Jesus. I would appreciate greatly. Amen, I mean um bye. and thanks and ya know all that good stuff.
Rachel
Mog554@aol.com

What's with all these minions of AOL? Dont you all realise that AOL is the scum of the universe, and i know, i've seen it all. AOL is the very worst ISP in 2001 years. anyway, i will telleth you some sites where for to recieve the very ugliest people on the net.
Cliff Yablonski Hates All You Bastards: Go There
FUGLY.com Go There
you should find many of the freaks of this world there, my child.

why did god (or the devil) make hippies?
- Brendan
Hoopster10928@aol.com

Hippies were not made by god or the devil. Hippies, my child, are a product of society. However, if god did maketh them, he would be very proud. Because hippies will inherit the earth. hopefully.

hey um, me and my boyfriend are going to be dating 4 months tomorrow. and i dont get to go out and ride around with him and im 14 years old. Do you think i will be able to go out and ride around with him when i turn 15?
- Farran Courtney Fry
tarheelblue4033@aol.com

Yes, my child, you do. If your parents, your boyfriend, or the government tries to tell you otherwise, tell them Jesus said you could.

can't get enough sex please help

hannah

This is probably because you are ugly, my child. if you are not ugly, then maybe you liveth in eldon, where all the boys are gay.

It's a long story but... See, I've got this group of guys who hang with me in Isreal, and we've been going around trying to help people with their problems. So we were going around doing this (and some New Age holistic healing stuff, too) and a lot of people kept asking me what I they should do about the Palestinians. I told them that the thing to do about the Palestinians is to love the Palestinians. And, well, they nailed me to a tree. Any advice? Sincerely, Hungup in Isreal

neo3141@hotmail.com

Im busy now wait a ticketh and ill get back 2 U. right im backeth. what you should have said was 'The palestinians, those buggers.' then you would not be in the fixeth you are now. my child.

Well, Jesus... I kind of have a problem, but You know what it is because you are Jesus, and You know all, so I was just wondering why I was created with a breast on my forehead. Ever since it has started to develop more, and is more and more relevant to be a breast, now my parents want to sell me off to the freak show and use the profit from me to get themselves a big house in beverly hills!! Why, Jesus, WHY?!?!
Your Child, Berno

MissManda5782@aol.com

Dear child, the reason that thee hath a breast-like appendage growing from thine brow is because thee art a tit head. Simple observation shall reveal that. This, howsoever, is nothing to be ashamethed of. Tither art a mutlitude of tit heads in this world, verily, verily more of them than arenteth. Tither is help available, from THA, Tit-Heads Anonymous. It is likely that they shall reccomend concealing the tit, probably by growing a Mullet with a big fringe, similar to that sported by mulletmaster supreme Pat Sharpeth in the seventies. Help with growing the mulleteth canst be gained by buying the Mullet Gospel of Chris 'n' Olly

So, I went to see this clone. Apologise and all that. Only, tragedy struck just five minuites after I arrived. He/she was applying his/her lippy, when his/her hand slipped and he/she choked horribly. I tried to dial 999 but my hand slipped as well, so the emergancy services were too late. I thought it was terribly rude of nicky's clone not to offer me a cup of tea or dairy product when I first arrived, so we remained enemies and I do not feel sad or guilty about my slippery finger. Will I go to hell? Frankly, I'd rather go the opposite way. Oh, and thanks. I don't know what you said to the police, but all charges were dropped.
the original unknown female again

The Lord moves in mysterious ways, mine child. Maybe it wast just his time. Anyway, he as only GOD knows deserved to die, after being so rude as to not to offer any dairy products. I expect that the Manics shalt be running a 'charity' gig soon, to help payest for a new immaculately conceived clone.

I am faced with yet another problem. When the police called me in for questioning and I told them my name, they told me they will be trying me for murder. You can see why I left my first problem anonymous can't you? I knew it was bad news when I heard they pulled his body out of the skip... I did it for Michael Stipe... I did it for you all!!!
the original unknown female

A skipeth? Not very imaginitive, my child. There are many better places to hide a body. You could have seriously scared Peter Kennedy, you know how he likes to root around in these places. Anyway, I'm sure they have no evidence.. I trust you killed him in a painful way? We are all grateful for your service to mankind.
!STOP PRESS! Newseth just in.. The Manic Street Preachers have ploughed a large proportion of their capital into a project which has successfully engineered a clone of Nicky Wire, to fill in their need for a bassist.. He won't last long with al.. ahem.. the anonymous assassin about..

Most of my friends get their hair trimmed, (except Michael and I don't believe Nicky Smith does either, but I'm not sure), including the hair around their temples ,even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?
cataclism@another.com

Stoning. With stones. Not cannabis.

Help me jesus, if i dispose of somebody for the sake of humanity, can i still meet you in heaven or will i burneth in the deepest pits of hell? The world would be a better place without this slut so really i am doing my daily good deed.
Oh, actually, it's satan junior again. oops..

Does god damn those who killed in the defence of England against the Nazis? No, of course not. This all depends on who this 'slut' is, of course. If she has a penchant for huge earrings, dance music, and sportswear then your killing her is most probably justified. Killeth in the name of the Lord, and good taste, my child.
Oh, one more thing.. Would you really want to come and meet me, the son of god, in heaven? I mean, it's really boring up here. We have to listen to classic FM. In hell they get pennywise...

i wasn't going to say anything, but the quote at the bottom by chris is annoying me, doesn't he know its 'so long and thanks for all the shoes' - stupid boy. Its little details like this that seperate true fans now that ive said that i'll go
a different unknown female (satan junior)

Many thanks for the correction, my child. NOFX has been honoured in the correcting of this mistaketh.

Help me, Jesus. I don't want to burneth in hell, but I really think I hate nicky wire. I should feel guilty about the many ways I have thought he should suffer, but all I can think is BURN HIS GUITAR. What should I do?
an unknown female

Dear Child, I know who you are, even if you do not sign your name. The lord sees all. However, you will be pleased to know that you will not burneth in hell for hating Mr (gender questionable, of course) Wire. There are many legitimate reasons for wanting to kill him. When my dad sent those commandments to moses, he missed a bit off that he toldeth me. When he said, 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' he actually meant, 'Thou Shalt Not Kill, except for viscious gender bending and severely annoying bassists.' This catagory includes Nicky Wire.
However, taking your anger out on his innocent guitareth is sinful. What you must do is liberateth the instrument from his evil clutches, and send it to HAMSTERLEY, to be played, loved, and cared for in the way it deserves by my great friend olly (who in fact is a double agent, working also for Old Nicketh (thats Satan, not Wire) Your sins are absolved.

I am confused...the bibles holy book of ezekial quotes that I should smite mine enemies if they lie. In the bible it says they are stoned, but they seem to be very happy and not punished after I give them enough cannibas to stone them...it doesnt make any sense! The bible says that its ok to murder sinners, so how should I dispose of them?
cataclism@another.com

I am not going to help you this time, my child. If you can't be bothered to give Bible and my great friend Ezekiel a capital letter, and to spell his name right, then you will go to Hell. You might have lived a good life my child, but now I don't like you, and you will burneth.